Un-reciprocal

Don't try to show me who you really are, for I already know.

List

In no particular order

1. reading
2. cleaning out my closet
3. online shopping
4. trying to be like swiss-miss
5. being on the internet
6. this
7. buying a jounral to write lists in
8. talking to someone about the tickets
9. watching youtube
10. watching vimeo
11. keep reading

Tired

I'm tired of this.
I want summer.
Fuck snow and work.

sunset prairies.

For some reason every time I imagine you, it's sunset.

Maybe that's when you're most beautiful, or maybe I'm missing something.
The way your flowers are gently pushed aside by the winds.
or the way the earth is so... so warm.
your arms seem to just welcome someone in, hugging them, making them smile.
or maybe it's the way you aren't what I expect at all.

instead of the beautiful sunset-you I think of, you're this barren, deserted, boring place.
just a place.
a piece of land that doesn't think, or breathe, or do a thing. you're useless here.

but maybe I haven't seen the true side of you yet.

that moment

The moment you asked. my face didn't get red. my heart didn't jump. I wasn't excited.

mortified. heart stopped. ashen face.

I should have seen it coming.

And I just thought you were an incessant texter.

Focus

My concentration? You're kidding.
I think it walked away when I got my computer.
I know, this shit seems funny, but it's starting to become a problem.

So what happens when I need it? Not the momentary spasms of focused work, or super concentration, more like hours on end concentration to figure things out. To get things done. To finally understand what's going on. Yeah, it doesn't work like that.

What's gone is gone, God damn it.

THIS WILL BE MY YEAR.

yes. and yes.
listing.